10 Dec Craving Love? Time to Put Yourself Out There
So, you’re not in your early 20s anymore. You may or may not have had the pleasure of being in a long-term, serious relationship. But you are long past your college days and starting to feel the pangs of wanting to share your life with someone.
Of course, single people aren’t just moseying around every corner you turn. The grocery store seems like prime-time real estate until you see the wedding ring or adorable toddler sitting in the cart in front of you. What’s worse is social media has mutated into a source of FOMO, with your newsfeed showcasing a highlight reel of everyone’s baby reveal parties or wedding photos. Sigh.
Here’s a much-needed reality check: stop feeling sorry for yourself. Why? Because over 50% of the adult population in America is currently single. Please tell me you’re now awkwardly smiling at your screen because I’ve sparked a little hope in you.
But, even so, how do you find the right person for you?
Well, it all starts with getting back in the game. Instead of just binge-watching Netflix while wallowing in self-pity or worse, you should be taking action. You can conceptualize and dream about your love life all you want, but visualizing a beautiful smile, candlelit dinner, and some weekend cuddles, won’t actually manifest into reality unless you get out there and do something about it.
You could also fall victim to laziness or exhaustion. Hey, I don’t blame you. Dating is a bit time-consuming and when you don’t hit it off with someone on the first date, it can really derail your optimism. We’ve all been there. The only difference between you and me is I didn’t just expect a relationship to materialize out of thin air – I had to put effort into it. Period.
So, listen up, because you are worthy of love. There’s no question about it. You are truly special and there IS someone who will literally treasure everything about you. How do you find them? And more importantly, how do you adopt the right mindset to fully accept someone in your life. Here’s how.
It Always Starts with Self-Love
Before you can be happy and stable with a partner, you need to exercise a bit of self-care and believe in your worth. If you’re fraught with anxiety, self-doubt, or a lack of confidence, how can you expect someone else to see the value in you? If the end-goal is to find a partner, then you must start your journey by working on yourself.
Practicing self-awareness, getting your act together (if necessary), and authentically cherishing all the wonderful things that make you a great catch, will help you build strength, character, and confidence. And just to be clear, this doesn’t mean you need to change careers or become married to the gym because you think that’s what’s attractive. Instead, place your focus on not only loving who you are but becoming the best version of yourself.
Learn to Express Yourself
Everyone is different. You shouldn’t have to change who you are because you’re afraid of vocalizing your needs. Some people love spending their Sunday’s wrapped in a cozy blanket reading alone all day, while others are seeking a partner who is adventurous and likes to plan spontaneous dates. No matter what your needs are, they are legitimate and justified.
However, a potential partner will never be able to accommodate your needs if you don’t communicate with them. For clarification, writing up a checklist and whipping it out on a first date is the furthest thing from “sexy.” Reserve deeper conversations for when things start moving along.
To get the dialog started, try posing a simple question like, “How can I make you feel appreciated.” Or, “What types of activities make you smile?” After hearing his or her feedback, you not only have the opportunity to open up about what floats your boat, but you also have the chance to see what you have in common.
Set Your Standards High & Never Settle
You may be craving some affection, but just because you want to be in a relationship, doesn’t mean you should settle for anything. It’s incredibly tempting to date someone who really likes you – everyone wants to be wanted – however, don’t just fall into something that’s “nice” or “comfortable.”
You deserve to find a partner that satisfies your needs. Who doesn’t make the cut? The girl who flakes on you an hour before your date. Or, the super-hot guy that lives in his own little bubble of negativity and talks trash about anything and everything. We’ll pass on those. If the relationship is a never-ending bought of struggles, fights, and unhappiness, why are you subjecting yourself to it?
Move on. You deserve better. He or she is out there patiently waiting for you to cross their path. Meanwhile, you’re wasting time listening to your date drone on and on about how much they hate the world. You know you want to gouge your eyes out, so stop putting up with it.
You’re Never Too Old
It’s not too late. You’re not too old. Love can be found at any age – and at any time for that matter. Stop asking yourself, “Why are all the good ones taken?” This is fake news. Always strive to keep your mindset in a positive place. Because guess what? You never know what old flame you may run into or the unexpected sparks that fly between you and someone who just happened to come into your life on a whim.
The only way these types of encounters are going to occur is if you open yourself up to it. If you’ve resigned to being grumpy and old, then how could you possibly let others in? The truth of the matter is, as you get older, you become more in tune with your likes, dislikes, what works, and what doesn’t. That means less trial and error and more opportunities to recognize an ideal companion when they come along.
There Are No Rules When It Comes to Who Qualifies for Love
It may feel like there’s something “special” about everyone around you. Clearly, you don’t meet the minimum requirements to be eligible for happiness. Duh. Okay, now that we’ve gotten that nonsense out of the way, let’s be realistic. There’s nothing different, or wrong, or not worthy about you.
Keep in mind, what you see on Instagram isn’t always a factual depiction of reality. You may think every couple around you is floating on cloud nine, but you never know what issues they may be facing behind closed doors. Many people get into or stay in a relationship because they’re comfortable. It’s easy to become complacent when you’re afraid of being alone. This certainly isn’t what you should be striving for.
You want to find something authentic. Something real. No pretending. No holding on because you are unhappy with yourself. Just genuine, beautiful love.
Be Open to Exploring Your Options
If you don’t apply for a job, how can you possibly expect to receive a job offer? If you don’t purchase a lottery ticket, can you really expect to win the lottery? The same logic applies to the world of dating. If you don’t get out there and meet different people, how are you supposed to fall in love?
Even if you’re into the new-age online dating scene, you’ll still need to plan actual face-to-face dates. Texting and chatting on the phone can only take you so far. Throw on your best outfit and start meeting people – see where it takes you. Maybe you don’t meet “the one” for a while, but you may forge some new friendships that change your life.
Be Prepared with Conversation Starters
They say clothes are a form of creativity and self-expression. Why not throw on a graphic tee or motivational saying that perfectly represents who you are. Not only is it a great conversation starter, but it communicates to your date that you’re confident and open to sharing information about your life and who you are.
Seek Help from Friends & Family
If your mom has been promising to set you up on a date since 2006 and you’re still waiting, turn to others for help. And maybe light a fire under your mom’s ass. While you can’t fully rely on others to get the job done for you, there’s no harm in asking friends to make connections or introductions.
Oh, and if you think this translates as desperate, stop caring what others think. You probably are desperate. Who doesn’t want a giant helping of cuddles and love? So, knock it off, swallow your pride, and start asking friends or family to hook-it-up for you.
Don’t Wait, Do You
During your hunt to find your ideal partner, make sure you stay true to yourself and keep reaching for your other goals. You don’t have to wait to find love to take that trip to Europe, put a down payment on a house, or try yoga for the first time. Validation and motivation come from within. If there are things you want to accomplish in life and you have the means to go for it, it doesn’t matter if you’re currently riding solo.
By taking the initiative and going after what you want, you’ll not only increase your chances of finding love, but you’ll communicate to a potential partner that you’re not afraid to take big steps or hold yourself to high standards.
Get a Move On
Let’s be honest: there’s a strong possibility that your quest to find love won’t happen in a few days – and that’s not intended to crush your hopes or excitement. I’m merely setting expectations. If it takes several months, that’s perfectly okay. Finding love requires a sustained effort. There’s no magical scoreboard in the sky broadcasting the number of first dates you’ve had – and you shouldn’t let this number detract you from pushing forward. You’ll have to smooch a few frogs…so what? The point is to wake up each morning with a heart full of optimism and the belief that anyone could cross your path that day.
And once they do, you’ll be ready for ‘em.
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